Dear Baby Dickinson,
It looks like we won't get a chance to create you this month. My body is not cooperating after all the tests it has been put through. We have a lot of hope for next month, though. Because it makes me sad that you are not yet in our lives or on your way into our lives, I may not write much for the rest of this month. I have no chance of hope for this month, so I am going to try to focus on other things to get my mind off it. When the next month starts, though, I will probably be writing you letters an awful lot. If all goes as planned we will be doing an IUI next month. Our doctors have a lot of positive feelings about our success with IUI's, so you may be growing in my belly soon.
We are trying to fix up our current house so we can get it sold this spring or summer and get moved into the house where you will live with us. There are many "fixer-upper" things that I will not be able to do once I am pregnant with you, so I plan to focus on them as much as possible until the time comes next month for us to try an IUI. I'll update you on that as we go along. Until next time...
Love,
Momma
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sisterly Love
Dear Baby Dickinson,
We're still waiting for my body to cooperate this month to see what our chances are for creating you. I think all these tests have thrown it for a loop. I was looking at you 4-legged sister, Bentley, today, though, and thinking about how excited she will be to meet you someday. Your cousin Jax was exposed to her from the beginning of his life, and she absolutely loved him. When I would hold him, she would lie right next to me. She never got in his face. She just calmly sat by watching him. She still gets excited to see him, and he's now 2 years old. She tends to be more in tune with me than I am with myself, so she will probably know when you are created before I do. I can't wait to see how she reacts to you growing in my belly, moving around in there, and then being in our presence someday. She will love you so much! I have a sneaky suspicion that y'all will the best of friends.
Love,
Momma
We're still waiting for my body to cooperate this month to see what our chances are for creating you. I think all these tests have thrown it for a loop. I was looking at you 4-legged sister, Bentley, today, though, and thinking about how excited she will be to meet you someday. Your cousin Jax was exposed to her from the beginning of his life, and she absolutely loved him. When I would hold him, she would lie right next to me. She never got in his face. She just calmly sat by watching him. She still gets excited to see him, and he's now 2 years old. She tends to be more in tune with me than I am with myself, so she will probably know when you are created before I do. I can't wait to see how she reacts to you growing in my belly, moving around in there, and then being in our presence someday. She will love you so much! I have a sneaky suspicion that y'all will the best of friends.
Love,
Momma
Saturday, January 14, 2012
In Search of Supplies
Dear Baby Dickinson,
Yesterday was quite the fiasco. We needed some supplies that you would think Walgreen's would have. We were going to use them in the process of making you... (Get your mind out of the gutter. Not THAT kind of supplies). We went to Walgreen's, and they told us we would have to go to a medical supply store. The lady told us where one was in North Little Rock. We drove down there, but it was nowhere to be found. We searched on our phones, and there was not one listed in that area. So we drove to the location where one was listed. It was nowhere to be found. We continued on to the next one, ending up in the ghetto. There was this abandoned looking warehouse at the address listed. Your daddy went in to check, and it was a warehouse for medical equipment distribution (big items like hospital beds). So we kept going. We ended up even further in the ghetto and came upon a drug store with bars covering the windows. We attempted it, feeling like we might get shot in the process. They had nothing of the sorts. She directed us to a medical supply business. From the outside it looked a little scary with bar-covered windows, but inside it was very nice. The people were extremely kind and helpful, but they did not have what we were looking for. By this point it was nearly 3pm, and neither of us had eaten all day. I had a killer headache, and we were both cranky. We decided to go to Wal-Mart and get something that we could improvise with, and just cross our fingers that it would work.
As we were driving around your daddy said that we will have to tell you all about our adventures in creating you someday so you will know just how much you mean to us and how badly we wanted you. I let him know about this blog, and I told him that I planned to give you all of these entries someday when you're old enough to understand them. He's not much on writing, but don't be surprised if he gets on here every so often to send you a note. You're as much on his mind as you are mine.
Love,
Momma
Yesterday was quite the fiasco. We needed some supplies that you would think Walgreen's would have. We were going to use them in the process of making you... (Get your mind out of the gutter. Not THAT kind of supplies). We went to Walgreen's, and they told us we would have to go to a medical supply store. The lady told us where one was in North Little Rock. We drove down there, but it was nowhere to be found. We searched on our phones, and there was not one listed in that area. So we drove to the location where one was listed. It was nowhere to be found. We continued on to the next one, ending up in the ghetto. There was this abandoned looking warehouse at the address listed. Your daddy went in to check, and it was a warehouse for medical equipment distribution (big items like hospital beds). So we kept going. We ended up even further in the ghetto and came upon a drug store with bars covering the windows. We attempted it, feeling like we might get shot in the process. They had nothing of the sorts. She directed us to a medical supply business. From the outside it looked a little scary with bar-covered windows, but inside it was very nice. The people were extremely kind and helpful, but they did not have what we were looking for. By this point it was nearly 3pm, and neither of us had eaten all day. I had a killer headache, and we were both cranky. We decided to go to Wal-Mart and get something that we could improvise with, and just cross our fingers that it would work.
As we were driving around your daddy said that we will have to tell you all about our adventures in creating you someday so you will know just how much you mean to us and how badly we wanted you. I let him know about this blog, and I told him that I planned to give you all of these entries someday when you're old enough to understand them. He's not much on writing, but don't be surprised if he gets on here every so often to send you a note. You're as much on his mind as you are mine.
Love,
Momma
Friday, January 13, 2012
My First Letter
Dear Baby Dickinson,
You will never know just how much you mean to your daddy and me. We got married in March of 2010, and we immediately began trying to create you. Your daddy is my hero, and you will grow to feel the same way some day. He was an Army helicopter pilot... one of the best pilots around. In 2006, though, something very bad happened to him. While he was between 800-1200 feet in the air, his engine quit. He crashed to the ground, breaking his back very badly. He was never suppose to walk again, and in the beginning they thought he would never be able to create another baby. Fast forward to now, and your daddy has pushed so hard through some very difficult things. He walks, he has some days that he can build things and work around the house, and he should be able to make a baby. However, we figured his injuries and medications would make it take us awhile to get pregnant. That's why we started trying the very month we got married.
In July of 2010, we had a chemical pregnancy. It was not confirmed with tests, but the doctors and us all believed that's what it was. In other words, a baby started being made, but it didn't survive. We were so sad then that we did not have a baby on the way. I started reading everything I could to figure out strategies to make it happen for people in a situation like ours. I began tracking my morning temperature every day, taking tests every month to make sure I knew the best time to make you, and charting the changes in my body so we could see if anything was wrong.
In July of 2011, we were certain we were pregnant. We were both so happy. However, we did not take a test because your Nana, Papa, big brother Connor, Daddy, and I were going to Disney World. We knew that chances of miscarriage were possibly higher with us, so we didn't want to tell anybody else until we were far enough along that we were pretty certain you would survive. We knew if we tested and saw that we were pregnant, it would difficult to keep that a secret while spending every waking minute with Nana, Papa, and Connor for a week and a half. Then, the day Daddy, Connor, and I went to the Animal Kingdom, (I would have been 5 1/2 weeks pregnant with you) I began having severe cramps. I am accustomed to severe pain every month, but this was different. Other things happened that I won't go into detail about, but they indicated that you were not surviving. We left the park early, went back to the hotel room, Daddy, Nana, and Connor went swimming, and I laid on the bed and cried myself to sleep. I wanted you so bad, but you were not there.
In September of 2011, I went to the doctor to see what we needed to do about trying to have you. She put me on a medicine called Clomid. It is suppose to help give me a better chance of getting pregnant. I was also told that it increases our chances of twins. When I told your daddy that, he was so excited that there was a chance we could have two of you. He couldn't quit talking about it.
We tried the Clomid in October, November, and December. Nothing good happened. A lot of bad happened. It made me feel so sick (worse with each passing month) that we decided we had to do something different. On December 19th we went for our first visit with a doctor called a Reproductive Endocrinologist. He did one test on me that day, and he scheduled for more. On January 4th, 2012, Daddy and I went to the RE for some more tests on me. They all turned out very good. January 9th they did a test on your daddy. January 10th I was scheduled for a very uncomfortable, invasive test called an HSG dye test. I was so nervous about going through the procedure for which I was scheduled, especially because we did not have the results back on your daddy yet to know if it was even possible for him to conceive a healthy baby. To calm my fears, your daddy called the doctor to find out his results. Right before leaving to go to the hospital for my procedure we heard back from the doctor. Daddy's results were good! There was one issue that was not quite ideal, but it was definitely something we could work with. Everything else was perfect! It made it easier for me to go through my procedure because I knew it was something I had to do so I could have you. It turned out to not be as bad as I had been told, partly due to your daddy standing by my side through the entire procedure. The doctor (a wonderful man named Dr. Batres) explained everything to us as soon as the procedure was finished. Everything looked good!
The next day, January 11th, we went for a meeting with another RE, Dr. Miller. We discussed all of our results with him, and he gave us the go ahead to begin insemination. He said that insemination may be required for us to make a baby, but he believed it would work. We could have started this month with intra-uterine insemination (IUI), but we decided to try it at home by ourselves first since we were so close to time to do it. Plus, it costs a lot of money to have these procedures done, and insurance does not pay for them.
On January 12th we went to some antique shops in Botkinburg and Pickles Gap to help get our minds off everything. We couldn't help but talk about you a little, though. You are always on our minds. We want so badly for you to become a part of our lives. We decided we would do some at home tests when we got home to see if it is too late to schedule the insemination for this month. We were so ready for you, and we decided we did not want to miss a single month of professional help if possible. Our test results were not clear, so we're torn on what to do.
Today is Friday, January 13th. I will go to the pharmacy in a bit to get some more tests to try at home. If those results tell us that we still have time for the doctor to try to inseminate us, we will do that. If not, we will try it ourselves. Regardless, we have so much more hope now! Our results were a beautiful gift from God. We cannot wait until the day that we have you on the way, and especially the day that we have you in our arms. Our love for you grows by the day, and you still have not been created.
I will keep you updated on everything, from procedures to results to emotions that we experience, so someday you can look at this and see what a miracle and blessing you are. I have faith that we will create you. God is just waiting for the right "you" to come along.
Love,
Momma
You will never know just how much you mean to your daddy and me. We got married in March of 2010, and we immediately began trying to create you. Your daddy is my hero, and you will grow to feel the same way some day. He was an Army helicopter pilot... one of the best pilots around. In 2006, though, something very bad happened to him. While he was between 800-1200 feet in the air, his engine quit. He crashed to the ground, breaking his back very badly. He was never suppose to walk again, and in the beginning they thought he would never be able to create another baby. Fast forward to now, and your daddy has pushed so hard through some very difficult things. He walks, he has some days that he can build things and work around the house, and he should be able to make a baby. However, we figured his injuries and medications would make it take us awhile to get pregnant. That's why we started trying the very month we got married.
In July of 2010, we had a chemical pregnancy. It was not confirmed with tests, but the doctors and us all believed that's what it was. In other words, a baby started being made, but it didn't survive. We were so sad then that we did not have a baby on the way. I started reading everything I could to figure out strategies to make it happen for people in a situation like ours. I began tracking my morning temperature every day, taking tests every month to make sure I knew the best time to make you, and charting the changes in my body so we could see if anything was wrong.
In July of 2011, we were certain we were pregnant. We were both so happy. However, we did not take a test because your Nana, Papa, big brother Connor, Daddy, and I were going to Disney World. We knew that chances of miscarriage were possibly higher with us, so we didn't want to tell anybody else until we were far enough along that we were pretty certain you would survive. We knew if we tested and saw that we were pregnant, it would difficult to keep that a secret while spending every waking minute with Nana, Papa, and Connor for a week and a half. Then, the day Daddy, Connor, and I went to the Animal Kingdom, (I would have been 5 1/2 weeks pregnant with you) I began having severe cramps. I am accustomed to severe pain every month, but this was different. Other things happened that I won't go into detail about, but they indicated that you were not surviving. We left the park early, went back to the hotel room, Daddy, Nana, and Connor went swimming, and I laid on the bed and cried myself to sleep. I wanted you so bad, but you were not there.
In September of 2011, I went to the doctor to see what we needed to do about trying to have you. She put me on a medicine called Clomid. It is suppose to help give me a better chance of getting pregnant. I was also told that it increases our chances of twins. When I told your daddy that, he was so excited that there was a chance we could have two of you. He couldn't quit talking about it.
We tried the Clomid in October, November, and December. Nothing good happened. A lot of bad happened. It made me feel so sick (worse with each passing month) that we decided we had to do something different. On December 19th we went for our first visit with a doctor called a Reproductive Endocrinologist. He did one test on me that day, and he scheduled for more. On January 4th, 2012, Daddy and I went to the RE for some more tests on me. They all turned out very good. January 9th they did a test on your daddy. January 10th I was scheduled for a very uncomfortable, invasive test called an HSG dye test. I was so nervous about going through the procedure for which I was scheduled, especially because we did not have the results back on your daddy yet to know if it was even possible for him to conceive a healthy baby. To calm my fears, your daddy called the doctor to find out his results. Right before leaving to go to the hospital for my procedure we heard back from the doctor. Daddy's results were good! There was one issue that was not quite ideal, but it was definitely something we could work with. Everything else was perfect! It made it easier for me to go through my procedure because I knew it was something I had to do so I could have you. It turned out to not be as bad as I had been told, partly due to your daddy standing by my side through the entire procedure. The doctor (a wonderful man named Dr. Batres) explained everything to us as soon as the procedure was finished. Everything looked good!
The next day, January 11th, we went for a meeting with another RE, Dr. Miller. We discussed all of our results with him, and he gave us the go ahead to begin insemination. He said that insemination may be required for us to make a baby, but he believed it would work. We could have started this month with intra-uterine insemination (IUI), but we decided to try it at home by ourselves first since we were so close to time to do it. Plus, it costs a lot of money to have these procedures done, and insurance does not pay for them.
On January 12th we went to some antique shops in Botkinburg and Pickles Gap to help get our minds off everything. We couldn't help but talk about you a little, though. You are always on our minds. We want so badly for you to become a part of our lives. We decided we would do some at home tests when we got home to see if it is too late to schedule the insemination for this month. We were so ready for you, and we decided we did not want to miss a single month of professional help if possible. Our test results were not clear, so we're torn on what to do.
Today is Friday, January 13th. I will go to the pharmacy in a bit to get some more tests to try at home. If those results tell us that we still have time for the doctor to try to inseminate us, we will do that. If not, we will try it ourselves. Regardless, we have so much more hope now! Our results were a beautiful gift from God. We cannot wait until the day that we have you on the way, and especially the day that we have you in our arms. Our love for you grows by the day, and you still have not been created.
I will keep you updated on everything, from procedures to results to emotions that we experience, so someday you can look at this and see what a miracle and blessing you are. I have faith that we will create you. God is just waiting for the right "you" to come along.
Love,
Momma
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)